Last updated on March 22nd, 2016 at 10:34 am
The first time we seriously talked about making a trip back home I cried. It happened in Spain about five months ago now. Rob initiated the conversation, finally confronting the “giant elephant” that seemed to follow us everywhere at that point.
We were walking hand in hand along a busy seaside paseo, Mak was on a bike we had rented riding up and down the promenade careful not get too far ahead of us.
We strolled in silence for a while, then, as I was admiring the view, Rob said, “Trace, it’s time to seriously consider going home.”
The tapas and wine we had just enjoyed in town turned to stone in my gut and my face screwed up like a crumpled tissue. I didn’t make a sound, tears just started streaming down my face. When I could finally manage a breath I said, “I don’t want it to be over.”
We continued walking, not talking, with our arms around each other. When he arrived back at the villa, where we housesitting, we put Mak to bed and opened a bottle of Spanish Rioja.
Then drank said bottle and opened another.
We didn’t want to go home, but money was getting tight, very tight. Rob and I had been working and feverishly seeking more work online, but our upcoming hectic travel schedule threatened to put us at the breaking point. Moving around a lot makes work more challenging; homeschooling, meeting new homeowners for our housesitting assignments and getting to know a new destination all eat into working hours.
The time had come to evaluate, and the person in our family who always knows the right time for evaluation is Rob. Rob’s the planner, I’m the manager, and Makai is our inspiration, we are a team. We rely on each others strengths to make the right decisions for our family. And where Robs statement struck me like a blow to my chest, I knew he was right, it was almost time to visit home.
Trust is paramount in a marriage, but it feels even a little bit more imperative when you live most of your life in constantly new territory. Rob always says “Words have meaning” in other words don’t say what you don’t mean. Knowing my Husband as well as I do, I knew he meant were going to run out of road, so to speak. Not right away, but soon.
That was back in July. At the time, we were committed to nine weeks of house sitting in the UK after our assignment in Spain. Rob, the planner, broached the subject that night to give me enough lead-time to get right with it.
The truth is we needed time in one place to launch a business we had been working on, we still had a bunch of stuff in Mom and Dad’s basement we were now ready to part with, and I needed to see my Mom, she’s in her eighties.
I had nine weeks to work out the pit in my stomach and push through the fear I felt about coming home. I resolved to find a strategy to keep me from totally freaking out. Definitely easier said than done, I went through a whole host of ugly feelings after that and we hadn’t even set foot on Canadian soil yet! I came out the other side almost prepared, and in a pretty positive frame of mind before we arrived back home.
I had read a lot about reverse culture shock on blogs I follow so I felt prepared for the different stages we would experience while we were home. What I wasn’t prepared for was the depression and crazy delusions I experienced long before we were to board the plane. I thought things like, we’ll go back and never leave, I’ll go back to work and get comfortable and we’ll never leave, something sinister will prevent us from leaving!
As crazy thoughts cycled through my mind, I felt my determination to keep traveling getting weaker and weaker. I worried friends, family; people, in general, would stage an intervention, pick apart our lifestyle, and prevent us from carrying on with the amazing life we now knew. I started to doubt, to fear, and to freak out!
When I was much younger I used to fear change and new experiences. Fear, doubt, and freaking out were common occurrences every time Rob and I decided to make a change in our lives. Looking back, I can see how different I am, I feel energized by change and new experiences now, a liberating feeling of freedom. Somehow, I started to think going home threatened our freedom somehow.
I had read a quote “There is only one success, to be able to live life in your own way”. I truly believe that, and focusing on that quote helped me realize no one was going to lock us up when we got home or prevent us from leaving again. We are the only people who have the power to prevent us from traveling.
So we’re home, feeling like fish out of water. Calgary looks almost the same, but it feels really different. Everything on T.V. is focused on shopping and giant bundles of sale flyers land on the doorstep every day. There seem to be a lot more local violence and unemployment.So many things seem to cost more. I feel like I’m waiting for something to happen. When I try to explain how we live to new people we meet they look at me like I’m from Mars. Although I think meeting new people and finding ways to connect with like-minded people has really helped us deal with reverse culture shock better.
We searched for travel events happening in Calgary and were lucky to find one hosted by two of our favorite long-term travelers, Pete and Dalene Heck. The event was through Travel Massive, a site committed to connecting travelers in cities around the globe. It was awesome to hear more about Pete and Dalene’s travel experiences, they’ve been on the road since 2009! We’ve followed their journey since 2010 and had the pleasure of meeting them the first time about a month before we left to travel. It was like kismet to get to meet them again, shortly after arriving home. Both times it was so comforting to hear about their incredible journey and how they’ve dealt with the challenges of long-term travel. We also approached our local tourism board, Visit Calgary to remain tourists in our home town.
Doing new and different things at home has become our new comfort zone. We’ve been back for five weeks now and have about eight more to go until we’re on the road again. The focus is on business and staying in touch with our feelings. We don’t know what the next two months holds for us, but I just can’t help feeling we’ll hit a wall at some point. I have had one re-entry freak out before we arrived home. Now I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
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I can relate! I moved to the UK on a two-year visa, and by the end of the two years I didn’t want to leave.
I wasn’t exactly traveling, I was living and working in London, had a great job, a nice-isa flat in a great location, and a boyfriend and friends circle that I didn’t want to leave behind. But there was no way around it, my visa was up, and my job wouldn’t sponsor me.
The time leading up to leaving London was terrifying. I was returning to Vancouver, Canada, a city that, despite being so similar, is still very different. I lived in Vancouver for 15 years, so it should have been easy to return, but I actually got horrible anxiety every time I thought about it.
I have been back for about a month now, and it has gotten better. I have a job, I have been able to reconnect with many of my friends and my family, and I was able to bring my boyfriend over on a two year visa… but I still sometimes get a little sad, and every day I still get a little shocked at the reverse culture shock, whenever I’m trying to find a certain type of food or ingredient that is popular in the UK but not here, or when I go out and experience how different the pub culture and nightlife is.
Incredible how something so familiar can seem so foreign!
I think every traveler has these feelings at some point. I did, after 3 months of traveling abroad, once home again I couldn’t get off of the sofa for weeks, so I can imagine what you’re feeling. Good thing is you have Makai to make sure you don’t get stuck on the sofa. Give yourself permission to just work your way through your feelings – whatever they may be – and it what is supposed to happen, will. Trust it.
I can definitely see where you would be nervous to go home. We have always had a home base, so I can’t completely relate, but as long as you keep making travel a priority (if that’s something you want), you can still do so much while being based at home! Being a traveler in your own town is always fun, too–it’s great to experience things you would’t normally do at home! Hope everything goes well for you guys!
Going back home can really suck sometimes! We spoil ourselves with everything that’s different and amazing, that we forget that our home is a vacation destination for many others! I try to beat reverse culture shock by exploring my own backyard. Keep the sense of adventure going by trying to discover new and unique things at home.
I lived in India for almost 10 years – the culture shock coming back to the US was intense and lasted for almost a year! I just felt like, sounded like and acted like a foreigner, but at the same time I was american. It was weird. Glad you are getting back on the road again soon.. we have now been “stuck” in LA for 3 years. We try to adventure as much as we can, explore our new home and surroundings and get out of the country at least once a year.
We have been on the road since 2009 and believe we have still not found a real home. For us, there is no more “home” to go back to and we had been looking for a place to settle since a year ago.
Hi Tracey!
We just left Calgary actually, about 2 weeks ago. We too went home, but just for 10 days, and I can totally relate to everything you have said in this article. The mentality back home is hard to understand and to fit in with when you’ve been travelling, experiencing, house sitting, etc.
But the good news is that you’re leaving again! It’s not like you’re back there for good, so there is light at the end of the tunnel – enjoy the visits with family 🙂
Cheers
It would have been great to get together Dariece! We are focusing on that light at the end of the tunnel.
I liked reading the total honesty that you shared with us in writing this article. I get it. I understand that sometimes your need to go home but then I also get, that other people just really don’t get what we do. Al I can say is I wish you the best of luck in your business and know that your ‘team’ all figure everything out.
Thanks Paula.
We’ve only been on the road 5 months and we’re going back home next weekend. Not because we’re giving up on long term travel, but because we miss our family and we want to spend the holidays ‘at home’. Though, I’m nervous about going home for many reasons. Will we get complacent and not want to go back out on the road? Truth be told, we can’t afford to live back in the States… it’s so much cheaper to travel! So, yes, the struggle is real. I’m glad you’re taking advantage of being tourists in your hometown… I plan to do the same. I’m also glad to hear that you’ll be taking off again soon! Always nice to have something to look forward to!
I think every traveler has been in your shoes – you travel for long enough and you obviously change while you’re on the road – it’s a very weird and surrel feeling coming home. But eventually I think we all need to return home at some point. We’ve just returned home to Australia after 3 years on the road, and I’m also feeling a little like a fish out of water. Though it’s really nice to have one place to call home after having been on the road for so long, and you do need that time to rest up and focus on your goals, which is difficult to do when traveling and constantly on the move.
Keep putting yourself out there to meet and mingle with likeminded people, because that’s the biggest thing I’ve found which helps. You may be back in the same place, but that doesn’t mean that you’ll have the same life. So you need to make new connections and create something new for yourself without trying to be the person you were when you were there in the past…if that makes any sense at all!
XXX
Before I started traveling regularly that sense of fear and panic was all too familiar to me as well. I feel so much more capable of handling new situations now.
What a lovely article. I was worried as I read that you were going to conclude that you were going to give up your life of travel (that you love). It sounds like a wonderful idea to stay put and work on your business and then continue on with your travels but more confidently. Best of luck!